to my adhd, manifesting generator, people pleasing self

The more I honor my intuition, the less people get me. 

But I never really felt like anyone got me anyway.

My whole life, people never really seemed to understand me. 

I waited when I was supposed to go. I went when I was suppose to wait. 

At best, it confused people. At worst, it upset them. 

I walked between two realties. The one I saw and the one I felt. 

I used to think I had to split myself apart.

I used to think I owed an explanation for my being. That I had to make sense. That I had to be understood. That they got to know why; the reasons behind my choices, my actions, the way I lived my life. 

It turns out, trying to live in two realities pushed me farther away from understanding myself. I couldn't predict my choices, feelings or wants because I was constantly going back and forth between two inner authorities. I felt like a stranger to myself. Which only made my longing to be understood by others more acute. The cycle fed off itself, content to eat away at me till I was nothing but an apparition. 

They also refer to that as dissociation. 

So. The more I honor my intuition, the less people get me. But I get myself now. I get to have myself now. I get to be truthful. I get to know myself as a healer who is bringing together two fractured parts into wholeness. I get to live in a multidimensional reality where I am not bound by having to cut away parts of myself to fit. Where I am not a ghost of this world of seeing or the other of feeling but a living bridge between.